Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
