i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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