he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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