The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
