my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
