I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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