I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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