Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
