Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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