Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
