every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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