wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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