remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
