I'm eating all of the evidence.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
