Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
