I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
