is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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