I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
