I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
