Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
