you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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