Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
