got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
