textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
