Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
