question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
false alarm. still invincible.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
