do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
