he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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