I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
