so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
