I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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