you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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