Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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