Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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