Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
