He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
