i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
