Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
