wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
