i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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