goodnight i made you a song goodbye
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
