dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Even my vagina gasped.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sext me about skeletons
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