wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
