How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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