there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
