I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
