I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have aggressive nipples.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
