a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
