I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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