@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
