There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
