i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
