i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry about my life...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
