how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
