did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
