I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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