I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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