What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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