she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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