I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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