a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
nutella sex= disaster
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
