if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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