I could make wine with my vomit
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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