I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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