Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
