I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sorry my hands just texted you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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