My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
