Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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