Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
