I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize