my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize