Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
