So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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