He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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