did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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