it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
