then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
