Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
